


it's different this time

by shipstershipsters



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex is a gay mess, F/F, There's smut, and a lot of fluff, but there's a lot of alex being confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipstershipsters/pseuds/shipstershipsters
Summary: Alex Danvers spends her whole life being in control, and she's used to a certain way of doing things- if you want it done right, do it yourself.Then, Maggie Sawyer comes around and turns her life upside down.(or, Alex is a bit of a control freak but learns how to let loose and trust her girlfriend)
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 12
Kudos: 144





	it's different this time

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea I had, Alex definitely seems like the type to want control over situations 24/7, the whole "weight of the world" responsibility, you know? I'm sure it would've played into the beginning of her & Maggie's relationship (if CW would show more than 5 minutes of lesbian activity per episode). 
> 
> Also I'll never pass up an excuse to write shameless fluffy smut. Ever.

Most people considered Alex Danvers to be a control freak.

Hell, even Alex Danvers considered herself a control freak. She'd been that way ever since she was a kid, starting with group projects in school- she'd always taken over the group as soon as it was formed, giving orders and deadlines like she was the teacher herself. It had progressed from that as she got older- as soon as she obtained her driver's license, she insisted on being the one to drive when she would go out with friends, even if they offered first. It made her more comfortable that way. Being in control of what happened that night, where they went, how they got there, it made Alex feel safer. As long as she was in control, it was better for her, she decided.

It was only fair that her logic ended up eventually extending to sex.

The first time she'd slept with someone, Alex had been miserable, to say the least. She'd driven them back to his place, and he'd invited her in, and she'd said yes because that was what people who were dating did. And Alex was uncomfortable, because the way he kissed her made her jaw hurt and made her feel smothered and her neck was at such a bad angle on his basement couch, but he was excited and he wanted her and she convinced herself that _this was just how sex was supposed to be._

So he'd fucked her and it hadn't felt _terrible,_ Alex supposed, there were a few fleeting moments where the pressure felt good, but nowhere near the mind-blowing experience most of her friends described. Alex had touched herself before, once or twice, so she knew what an orgasm felt like and she knew she hadn't had one that night.

The night ended with him falling asleep on the couch, completely sated. Alex lay there awkwardly, sweaty and miserable, for an hour until she quietly gathered her things and left.

With a different boyfriend- one decidedly a bit more mature and a bit less forward- Alex hoped that it would be better. He was objectively handsome, something most girls would drool over, tall, blonde, a cute smile. But it didn't do much for Alex- didn't turn her on, didn't make her want to rip his clothes off, _ever_ , if she was being honest.

But she convinced herself it would be better this time. And it was- maybe a little bit.

Because they didn't actually have _sex._ Because he was nice enough to want to take it slow, didn't want to pressure her. One night at his place, after he'd been kissing her for a while, he'd asked if he could try something and Alex said yes, because that's what people who were dating did, and it would be _better_ this time.

So he'd gone down on her. And the thought of it excited Alex, when he offered, because maybe this is what would make sex feel so mind blowing, maybe this would make her come, maybe this would be _better_.

And still she felt nothing.

It wasn't uncomfortable, it was _almost_ nice, but it still wasn't enough. Alex tried to work herself up, to think about things that turned her on but she realized quickly that the man between her legs wasn't turning her on at all. She could feel the scruff of his stubble against her inner thighs, and it hurt a little, and when he put his fingers inside of her he was moving them in pattern that must've worked on some other girl because he felt _very_ confident doing it, but it wasn't really doing anything for _Alex._ She closed her eyes and she _tried_ to let herself go in the moment, and she let him continue to try and work her up, and it _almost_ worked this time- almost.

Because he must've spent thirty minutes, between her legs, but every time she thought _maybe_ he was hitting just the right spot, or maybe the harsh pressure on her clit felt good enough to make her come, she was proven wrong by the nagging realization in the back of her head that she just didn't like this.

So she'd faked it, because she felt bad that he'd spent all that time trying to make her feel good, because he was a good guy and because she didn't want to sit and have him try and finger her any longer.

From that night on, Alex tried touching herself again instead. She wasn't surprised to find that she could still make herself come, quite easily in fact. It never took her long- she'd close her eyes, try to fantasize about what she liked, about a faceless figure touching her in a way that made her feel good. Her own fingers knew exactly where to touch her- they knew where to crook inside of her to find that spot she'd read about online, they knew exactly where to rub on her own clit with just the right amount of pressure for it to still feel good without being too little. She knew the speed she liked, she knew _exactly_ what she needed. And it didn't surprise her.

Alex Danvers was, after all, a control freak. She knew her body better than the men she slept with, so it only made sense that sex wouldn't feel as good as getting herself off did. They didn't know how to touch her, nobody did, because nobody was Alex Danvers and she knew herself the best.

It was something she just _accepted_ , and she got used to faking orgasms with the guys she hooked up with after that, because there wasn't pressure to try and have one anymore, she just realized she wouldn't. They all had different ways of touching her and none of them compared to the way she touched herself.

So it was safe to say that when she realized she was gay, it threw her for a bit of a loop.

Because Maggie Sawyer was different from the guys she'd dated before in every way. Where they were tall and overpowering, she was short and cocky, but her attitude exuded more confidence than any of them had _ever_ had, and Alex found herself being hopelessly drawn to it.

And even though she'd given up dating a while back, when she realized nobody was gonna be better for her than _she was herself,_ Alex found herself pushing that rule to the back of her mind the second time Maggie's lips met hers, back in her apartment, after Alex had laid herself on the line.

The first thought she had, when she was in the state of mind to _speak_ again, when she wasn't in the foggy daze caused by Maggie's soft lips moving so _perfectly_ against hers, was that this was _different._

And she'd told herself that before, every time, until she'd relented and decided it never would be.

But deep down, this time Alex really felt it was. Because she felt like she had the hidden piece of the puzzle, like she finally knew what she'd been missing, because what she'd been missing was _Maggie._

Because for their first official date, she'd offered to pick Maggie up at 7, to take her to dinner, and to have her back before midnight since she knew Maggie had an early shift the next day.

It surprised Alex when Maggie just laughed, replying with a simple, _"I think I remember asking_ you _out, Danvers, that means it's my date. I'll pick you up at 7, okay?"_

Alex tried to fight the nerves that came with the unfamiliar situation- she wouldn't be driving them, Maggie would. " _Where are we going?"_ She had asked, instead of objecting right away, because for some reason the thought of going on a date with Maggie was more enticing than the realization that she wouldn't be in control the whole night.

" _You'll see. Just let yourself relax, and be ready at 7,"_ Maggie had flirted, giving Alex another soft kiss on the lips before she left, and Alex had been dumbfounded.

She'd thought about the date all night, she'd ran her fingers over her lips all night. She'd tossed and turned for an hour after trying to go to bed, because she was so _confused_ still, because she felt so strongly for Maggie, stronger than she'd ever felt for anyone, and it made _sense._ Maggie made sense to her, being with her felt like a breath of fresh air, but it was still so hard to let someone else just take over and take her on a date. None of her boyfriends before had made that effort, they'd all been happy to let her plan everything and take it off their shoulders.

Alex realized she found it incredibly sweet that Maggie was doing it without a second thought. But the nerves still danced in the pit of her stomach at the realization that she was putting the night in Maggie's hands.

_But it was different this time._

* * *

"We're taking your bike?"

Alex tried not to let the worry seep into her tone as Maggie led her outside the apartment building, to where her Triumph was parked on the street.

"Unless you want to walk four miles, sure," Maggie joked as she handed Alex a helmet, those damn dimples on full display. And Alex's heart leapt in her throat, and she felt those nervous butterflies in the pit of her stomach, but her gaze was transfixed on the _beautiful_ woman in front of her, on that dazzling smile, and that confidence that made Alex feel _safe_ in the field under heavy fire.

So she swallowed hard and decided she was safe with Maggie.

Maggie was different.

And her heart thumped loudly, so loud she was sure Maggie could feel it, because she was sliding behind Maggie on the seat of the bike, her front pressing to Maggie's back, and her arms encircling the detective's lean waist, trying not to hold on too tight.

She waited for the bike to start, and shut her eyes in anticipation, trying to control her breathing.

Maggie was different.

And it turned out, Maggie was.

Because the bike didn't start, because suddenly there was movement in front of her and Maggie was standing up, was taking off her helmet and reaching for Alex's, too.

"Hey, Danvers."

Alex blinked, looking up at the detective from where she was seated on the back of the bike. Maggie looked so perfect, standing there in the dim light of the sunset, her eyes shining like they were peering straight into Alex's soul.

"You okay with this?"

"Y-yeah, yeah I'm fine," Alex raced to assure her, her heart swelling at the look of compassion in Maggie's eyes.

"Okay, good," Maggie said slowly, her eyes still searching Alex's. And then she was leaning forward, one hand coming up to cup Alex's cheek, drawing their lips together for a slow, soft kiss that lasted a little bit longer than it should have.

"Because I got you, okay?" The detective murmured when they parted, her hand still cupping Alex's cheek. "You're safe. I'm a good driver, don't worry," she added for good measure, giving Alex a playful wink before sliding back on the motorcycle and grabbing her helmet.

Alex didn't know what to say back- couldn't really say anything, because her head was swirling and all she could feel was Maggie's lips on hers, all she could feel was warm, and happy, and as she wrapped her arms around Maggie's waist, tighter this time, holding her close, all she felt was _safe._

_I got you, okay? You're safe._

The words played in her head like a mantra for the short ride they took to the restaurant. And when Maggie parked, when she offered a hand to Alex to take her helmet, Alex realized she was upset that they'd stopped, because she wasn't holding Maggie close anymore.

She didn't realize until hours later when she was alone in her apartment that the ride hadn't scared her at all.

And when she did realize that, at 2:30 in the morning, she felt her heart clench in a way she'd never felt before.

_It was different this time._

* * *

Over the course of the next month, the first official month of dating Maggie Sawyer, Alex was completely shocked by how different it was.

Every day that she got to see those perfect dimples, every day she heard that sweet rasp of Maggie's voice, it was like Alex could _feel_ herself changing.

She felt like a teenager all over again. She would wait by her apartment door, thirty minutes before Maggie was due to arrive, pretending to act casual, because she was just so excited to see her _girlfriend._

Slowly, piece by piece, Maggie was bringing Alex out of her shell. With every ride they took on Maggie's motorcycle, with every date they went on that Maggie planned, with every unexpected visit from Maggie over to Alex's apartment bringing her dinner, or beer, or flowers, Alex found the usual nerves in the pit of her stomach fading away, being replaced by what she could only describe as warmth.

Because if one of her old boyfriends had dropped by unexpectedly, Alex would be on edge, because she hadn't planned for it, because she wasn't in control.

But when _Maggie_ did, because Alex had mentioned she'd had an especially rough day at work and Maggie explained that she just wanted to bring her Chinese and be there if Alex needed to vent, instead of becoming nervous or upset Alex just felt cared for.

She felt loved.

She felt respected, and she felt safe, because Maggie was never overbearing, only careful and confident. Maggie was everything she never knew she needed. Maggie was taking every preconceived notion she'd made about herself, and she was shredding them up and starting from scratch.

_It really was different this time._

Alex could feel herself falling hard for the detective. She found herself becoming giddy at the mention of Maggie's name, she found herself slipping Maggie into conversations constantly, and she found the detective crossing her mind nearly every waking second of every day.

Her fellow agents at the DEO had poked fun at her, at first, because the normally cold Alex Danvers had become a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark world. And it was because she had Maggie Sawyer, because she had the sun shining down on her.

It was safe to say that Maggie Sawyer had taken everything Alex had thought was true about herself and completely blown it out of the water.

Only one of Alex's fears remained, still creeping up in the back of her mind at the worst times.

And that fear was sex.

Now that Alex realized she was interested in women, she decided it made sense that sex with guys never really did it for her.

But she still wondered if that was the only thing that made her dislike sex so much, the only thing that made her turn to her own hands instead.

Maggie seemed to know her better than she knew herself, when it came to what she liked, what she wanted, what she _needed,_ but they hadn't had sex yet and Alex felt like it was a ticking time bomb ready to explode on the perfect relationship she finally had with a woman she absolutely adored.

What if sex was just... something Alex was better at herself than with someone else?

With all the men she'd slept with, none of them knew how to touch her right. So maybe it wasn't just that she wasn't attracted to them- maybe she just likes specific things, maybe the only one who knew exactly how to get her off was Alex herself.

The thought had plagued Alex at first, because Maggie was _perfect_ and she didn't want to have to fake anything for Maggie, but what if she just... did it better on her own?

Soon enough- about a week after they'd started dating, actually- Alex realized that was another fear she was going to have to face.

Because Alex didn't know how much longer she could go without Maggie's touch.

The first time they'd made out, the first time they'd let their hands wander, Alex had realized she was screwed.

Maggie's hot, open-mouthed kisses on her neck made Alex moan- and nobody had made Alex Danvers _really_ moan before. Especially not just from a kiss.

Feeling Maggie's wet mouth, her hot tongue, trailing down Alex's sensitive skin sent jolts of electricity directly to her core, and she found herself whining and whimpering and moaning in the detective's arms. She felt like time had stopped, and that was okay, because she was content with spending forever like this, letting her girlfriend kiss her and touch her and _God why won't she move her hand lower-_

Alex's eyes had shot open, then, as soon as that thought had crossed her mind.

Because even though she was terrified that she'd be let down, she'd _never_ felt like this before. She'd never wanted to be touched like this, and she'd never been turned on like this. She'd never wanted to _touch_ someone like this.

It was _very_ different.

But deep down, Alex was still scared, so she was grateful that Maggie took it slow that night.

And the night after that. And the night after _that_.

Three weeks into dating the detective, and suddenly Alex wasn't as thankful that Maggie seemed intent on taking it slow.

Because she was scared, but she was starting to feel like she had no reason to be.

Maggie had been so perfect, and so respectful. But Alex found herself strung out and wired almost every night, because almost every night Maggie was over, and they were on Alex's couch, and they were kissing, and it made Alex feel things she'd never felt before.

The heat, low in the pit of her stomach, making Alex feel like she'd explode if Maggie stopped kissing her right now. She'd never felt this unbridled desire to put her hands all over someone's body before, but with Maggie, Alex just wanted to feel _everything._ She'd run her hands over Maggie's shoulders, feeling the tense muscles lying underneath the thin shirt, she'd run her hands along Maggie's lean waist, raking her fingers against the abs that she could feel through the fabric of Maggie's henley that _Alex would really prefer to be on the floor_ and she'd run her hands along Maggie's ass, and Maggie's thighs, grabbing desperately at the firm flesh, wishing that Maggie's jeans weren't in the way.

She couldn't get enough of Maggie Sawyer. And all she wanted was more.

Tonight was their one month anniversary. And for the past week, their make out sessions had been getting more and more heated. Alex was pushing farther and farther, because Maggie was like a drug and Alex deemed herself an addict. All she wanted to do was feel her girlfriend; feel her tongue sliding into her mouth, feel her weight pressed on top of her, a thigh between hers, the glorious pressure that came when she'd grab Maggie's hips and pull her closer. Every night she felt like she would explode if they stopped, and every night Alex survived, and every night Alex touched herself after Maggie left because she was so fucking _wound up._

And touching herself felt different, too.

Because the orgasms came quick, but they were short, and they left her unsatisfied. The thought of Maggie between her legs, touching her, kissing her, _fucking_ her, made Alex come quicker than a teenage boy, but instead of feeling proud and like she was the only one who knew her body, it just felt wrong.

Wrong, because it wasn't Maggie touching her, and _God,_ did Alex want it to be.

So she'd decided that night, she wanted to face her final fear. She wanted to go all the way with Maggie, because even if she didn't come, even if Alex really did know herself better, she just wanted to feel Maggie. She wanted to touch her, make her feel good. The desire to please her girlfriend had won out over Alex's own insecurities and doubts, and all Alex could do was keep repeating the mantra over to herself in her head, that _It was different this time._

Because everything was different with Maggie.

* * *

So that's how they found themselves on Alex's bed, instead of the couch. Maggie was without her shirt- Alex having proudly stripped her of it a few moments ago- and Alex was on top of her, kissing her bravely, kissing her passionately, kissing her like she was air and Alex was drowning.

"Is this okay?" Alex kept asking, wanting to make sure she wasn't pressuring Maggie, although by the looks of it, Maggie wanted it as much as she did. She could feel Maggie's heat through her jeans, and Alex couldn't help but roll her hips against Maggie's, her thigh thrusting against Maggie's jean-clad crotch.

"Fuck, Alex, yeah," Maggie breathed, her hands coming down to grip Alex's ass and squeeze, and Alex let out a needy whimper. "You sure you're good, babe? We can stop if you want," she offered, like she always did, but this time Alex shook her head adamantly and ground down into her girlfriend again.

"I want you," she growled, and fear was the last thing on her mind, because feeling Maggie underneath her, looking at her gorgeously toned body, feeling how hot and wanting she was, well, that was the _only_ thing on Alex's mind right now. There wasn't room for those doubts and insecurities when Alex's hand was currently grabbing one of Maggie's breasts and the detective was moaning underneath her.

"I want you too," Maggie groaned out, and before Alex knew what was happening, Maggie was flipping them over.

"I want to touch you, Alex," Maggie was whispering into Alex's ear as she grabbed Alex's wandering hands, pinning them above her head with one of her own. Maggie's free hand was running down Alex's thigh, not touching Alex's center yet, just caressing her inner thigh in a way that Alex could only describe as teasing.

And somehow, with Alex's hands pinned above her head, with her half-naked body completely vulnerable underneath her girlfriend's teasing hand, Alex had never felt more nervous, but even more _alive._

She was surprised when Maggie's hand didn't slip underneath her panties right away.

She was surprised when Maggie's hand just trailed her body, feeling her, caressing her breasts, squeezing her ass, running over the curve of her waist.

She was surprised when Maggie's lips hit her neck, and instead of kissing her way immediately down her body, Maggie stayed there, kissing, licking, and sucking gently at the most sensitive part of her neck. Maggie's lips moved horizontally, adorning either side of Alex's neck in love bites, making the agent whimper and arch her hips towards the detective urgently.

She was surprised when Maggie took her _time_.

Maggie's hand released hers, letting Alex grab her and hold her close. Maggie's body rocked against hers, grinding into her, working her up beyond belief as she whispered sweet nothings in Alex's ear and her hands played with Alex's body in a way Alex could only describe as reverently.

Alex lost track of time as Maggie worked her up, as Maggie kissed every inch of her body, as Maggie's hand slipped lower and lower until it was hovering right on her inner thigh, inches away from her center.

"Are you sure, baby?" Maggie asked one final time, her hair pillowing around Alex's face, encasing them in their own little world where all Alex could see was _Maggie,_ and all Alex could feel was _Maggie._

And in that moment, Alex had never been more sure. Fearful or not, she _needed_ Maggie Sawyer.

So she nodded and she breathed out a shaky "yes", and she let out a loud, breathy moan at the first contact of Maggie's fingers against her aching clit.

And her eyes flashed open, briefly, when Maggie started rubbing light circles with two of her fingers, placed right on Alex's clit, because this wasn't how Alex touched herself, this was different. Alex used one finger, and she always rubbed up and down, quickly, just to the side of her clit because otherwise it would get too sensitive, and that firm, consistent pressure always worked eventually. But Maggie wasn't doing what Alex did, and Alex gulped at first, because _what if it didn't work?_

That thought lasted all of five seconds, because Alex found her eyes fluttering shut at the light pressure. She thought it would be too much, maybe, having two of Maggie's fingers directly on her clit, but Maggie was rubbing so gently, that Alex felt herself getting wetter, softer, more pliable almost. Alex found herself unable to concentrate, unable to compare, because this was _Maggie_ and it was all _different_ and it was _amazing._

Maggie was kissing her the whole time, her tongue sliding between Alex's parted lips, and after a moment of the soft, gentle circles on Alex's clit, she decided to rub with a little more pressure, a little more quickness, and when Alex's mouth fell open and she began moaning so much that she could barely kiss Maggie back, Maggie knew she was doing something right.

Alex had never been vocal in bed, but she couldn't keep quiet now. It was like Maggie was reading her body; because she was gradually speeding up, and the timing was perfect. Alex didn't feel overstimulated, she just felt _good,_ amazing even. She felt hot everywhere, she felt loose and hazy everywhere, she felt tingles and she felt butterflies and she felt jolts of arousal pooling deep in her stomach as Maggie kissed her way up her neck to her ear.

"You're so beautiful, Alex," Maggie was whispering, her voice huskier than usual, and the sound alone made Alex whimper and dig her nails into Maggie's shoulders, clinging on for dear life. Maggie made her feel like she was caught up on a whirlwind, and sex was turning out to be no exception.

"This okay, babe?" Maggie was asking now, and Alex almost didn't understand what she meant until she felt Maggie's fingers move lower, move to her entrance, and Alex swallowed hard and nodded.

"I want you inside me," she heard herself saying, and she was shocked at how aroused she sounded, how desperate and needy her voice seemed. But Maggie didn't seem to mind, she seemed to _like_ it actually because the smaller girl growled and gently bit down on Alex's neck, sucking a hickey into the supple skin, and Alex's eyes fluttered shut again, so caught up in Maggie, Maggie, _Maggie_.

" _Fuck_ ," was all Alex heard as she felt Maggie slide a finger inside of her, and Alex bit down on her own lip to stifle a particularly loud moan.

"Don't, baby, I wanna hear you," Maggie requested softly, kissing Alex's bottom lip as she slipped a second finger inside the redhead, smirking into the kiss when she felt Alex's body tremble beneath her.

"Oh God, Maggie," Alex was gasping, because she couldn't control the sounds she was making right now and she couldn't control the way her body was arching into Maggie's touch. This was so new to her- sex had _never_ felt like this, _ever._ She'd never felt this good- nobody had ever appreciated her like this, had gone so slowly and worked her up so much. Maggie was making her feel beautiful and cherished and _sexy_ and Maggie's fingers were working her up to a frenzy she'd never felt with anyone else- not even _herself_ , Alex realized suddenly.

The thought sent Alex spiraling for a brief moment, because _she couldn't control herself right now, she couldn't control how good it felt and how much she was moaning,_ and suddenly Alex was stuck in her own head again.

_It felt good when she was rubbing me, now she's inside of me, and it feels so good, but I can't come from_ just _penetration._

_Maggie doesn't know that, that's what she's used to, I can't ruin this moment._

She felt her heart beat faster, not just because of her own arousal, but from the sullen realization that maybe she knew her body better after all. Maggie's fingers felt _so_ damn good but without pressure on her clit-

"Oh my God Maggie, fuck, oh Maggie-" Alex found herself sputtering only seconds later, because suddenly the two fingers Maggie had inside of her were crooking up, curling against her front wall, and Maggie's thumb was pressing against her clit and swiping it, rubbing it with every thrust of her hand.

And it was _different._

Her pace had increased drastically, and Alex's eyes rolled back as her mouth fell open, grabbing forcefully for Maggie's body to anchor herself as she trembled in Maggie's arms.

She didn't have words to describe this.

She didn't _want_ to find words to describe this- she just wanted to feel it. She never wanted to stop feeling it.

All she could think was that Maggie had only been working her up earlier, and it had already felt better than her own hand. This, what Maggie was doing _now,_ was a new kind of pleasure, a new kind of stimulation. It was like Maggie knew her body, knew exactly what it needed and when.

"You like that, baby?" Maggie was asking playfully, her tongue darting out to trail along Alex's neck, and Alex whimpered and nodded and gripped Maggie's head tight, pushing her face closer, because Maggie was _everywhere_ and it was so _perfect._

_"_ Please don't stop," she was gasping, because Alex really did believe that if Maggie stopped she would pass out. She felt like maybe even if Maggie kept going she'd pass out- she had _never_ felt like this before. Alex realized she was rapidly approaching the edge of an orgasm, because her hips were jerking in an all too familiar way, and her toes were curling, and Maggie was so damn _hot_ and _perfect_ and-

"You're gonna come for me, aren't you, Danvers?" Maggie was murmuring now, a smirk pressing into Alex's neck, her fingers swirling inside of Alex, her thumb braced steadily on the agent's clit.

"Y-yeah, Maggie, don't stop," Alex kept pleading, and her mind was racing because _she was going to come for her, she was going to come, could she come? Was she doing this?_

And suddenly Alex felt nervous, felt vulnerable, because _was she really going to have her first orgasm with someone, with Maggie, what if she couldn't, what if Maggie thought she looked weird, what if it wasn't enough? What if Maggie's used to better girls? Maggie's so good at this, she could be with anyone, why would she be with someone who's never had an orgasm from someone else before?_

Alex was realizing how little control her body had right now, and now the mere inches of space between her body and Maggie's felt like miles, and Maggie's arm that was propped up on the mattress beside them to keep her weight off of Alex felt like a curse, because Alex had learned to give up control with Maggie but only when Maggie was close, and Alex felt stuck in her own head and Maggie felt too far, and-

And Alex realized Maggie _did_ know her better than she knew herself.

Because in the split few seconds that Alex's hips stilled, that she began second-guessing herself, Maggie took over _completely._

Maggie sat back, only briefly, to grab Alex's legs that were on either side of her and pull them around her own hips, encouraging Alex to keep them there. Then she was back down on top of Alex again, closer this time, their bodies pressed together, their chests flush, Alex's legs wrapped around her hips, pulling _closer, closer, closer._ And Maggie's hand never stopped, she never stopped scissoring her fingers, never stopped curling, never stopped rubbing.

Her free hand had now dropped to act as a pillow behind Alex's neck, bringing their faces only inches apart, and Maggie was kissing her, _hard_ , was pouring all of her love into Alex, and now all Alex could feel was _free._

"You're so perfect, Alex, you feel so good," Maggie was panting as they broke the kiss, resting her forehead against Alex's. Her hips were rocking into the back of her hand, adding more pressure to her thrusts, working Alex up faster and faster and Alex found herself back into that blissful headspace where nothing mattered but her and Maggie.

_Maggie thought she was perfect. Maggie thought she was good._

"I'm so close," Alex choked out, because she _was._ Because it was _different._ Because Maggie was _different._

"Yeah?" Maggie was sucking on her neck again, now, and Alex couldn't bring herself to worry about a hickey because Maggie's tongue on her neck and Maggie's fingers inside her and Maggie's thumb on her clit were making her see literal stars.

She was so close, and it was _so_ different, and it was _so much better,_ and-

"Come for me, baby," Maggie was coaxing her, whispering against her neck, and it was all too fucking much.

For a minute, everything went white and blurry, and Alex's body clamped up around Maggie; her thighs clenching around Maggie's hips unbearably tight, her arms locked tight around Maggie's shoulders and her nails digging into Maggie's skin hard enough to draw blood. She didn't know if she was making any sounds; she just knew her mouth was open and her head was tossed back and her eyes were shut, but her throat was sore from screaming and maybe she _was_ screaming, but she didn't really care, because this was the hardest she'd ever come in her _life._

She'd never understood what people meant before when they wanted to sleep after sex, or that they couldn't walk, or move, but as Maggie softly fucked her through the end of her orgasm, Alex finally _got it,_ because she felt like her legs weighed a thousand pounds and her eyelids felt heavy, and even breathing felt hard right now. All she could do was let out tiny, content whimpers as Maggie withdrew her fingers, bringing them up to her own lips and sucking them clean.

It was the hottest thing Alex had ever seen, watching how much this woman had enjoyed making her come.

Because Maggie had made her _come._

"That was- that was amazing," Alex whispered once she finally regained her voice, snuggling into Maggie's arms with a content sigh as she laid her head on Maggie's bare chest.

"I'd hate to disappoint," Maggie replied back cheekily, pressing a kiss to the top of Alex's head.

"No, I mean it," Alex repeated, sitting up slightly to look Maggie in the eyes. "I... I've never come, like that, before," she stammered, and suddenly she was _talking_ about it, talking about the one thing that had plagued her to no end with the woman who'd just torn away all her fears about intimacy, one by one.

"You've never... oh God, Alex, are you a virgin?" Maggie looked shocked, almost scared, and Alex cut in before the detective could get any more worried.

"No no, no, Maggie, I'm not," she chuckled, shaking her head adamantly. "But nobody's ever... no one's ever known how to touch me like that, before, I've never had an orgasm during sex, before that," she admitted, her cheeks flushing red.

"Really?" Maggie's eyebrows were raised, and a proud smile flashed over her face, showing off those adorable dimples Alex loved so much. "Well I gotta say, I'm honored, Danvers. I'll be your first anytime," she added for good measure.

"As long as you'll be my last," Alex found herself saying, and for once, it didn't feel scary.

Nothing scared her with Maggie anymore, because she felt nothing but safe with Maggie.

Because it was _different_ this time.

Because Alex realized she was never really out of control with Maggie; she was stronger than ever. Maggie was her partner, there to help her, to love her, to care for her, and to make her feel good. Maggie wasn't there to control her, she was there to stabilize her and support her.

_Maggie was different._

(And damn it, Maggie was a sex goddess, too.)

* * *

It wasn't until nine months later, when Alex had forgotten all about her fears regarding control, commitment and sex, that Alex realized there was one downside to being with someone who knew her better than she knew herself.

Because they'd moved in together about four months ago, and they'd had a _lot_ of sex since their first time, and Alex hadn't needed to touch herself ever since Maggie had touched her, because why would she want to when she finally had a girlfriend with magic fingers (and a magic tongue, too)?

But now Maggie was gone for an entire week of leadership training, sent to represent her precinct at some kind of annual conference, and Alex was having a real hard time without the love of her life in her bed every night.

She missed Maggie's smile, she missed her smell, she missed the sound of her voice, she missed her calming presence around the apartment. She even missed her crappy crime dramas and the beer bottles she'd leave on the coffee table when there was a _perfectly good coaster right next to it._

She also missed Maggie's body, and the flirty photos her girlfriend was currently sending her just made it worse.

Maggie was alone in her hotel room, relaxing with a glass of wine, and clearly the wine had loosened her up quite a bit because Alex had just received the fourth picture of the night showcasing her girlfriend in her button-down shirt, hanging open, with nothing underneath.

And damn it if that didn't turn Alex on beyond belief.

So she found herself calling Maggie, found herself so, so, turned on that she just needed to hear Maggie's voice even if it was for just a second.

That second turned into minutes. The minutes that started as flirtatious teasing on Maggie's end turned into more when Maggie heard a tiny, breathless whimper through the speaker of her phone.

" _Babe, are you touching yourself right now?"_

And Alex froze, because she couldn't help it, and she hadn't done it in so long, but Maggie wasn't here and she didn't know if she'd be able to focus on anything else until she took care of this ache her girlfriend managed to give her from hundreds of miles away.

"Maybe?"

_"Fuck, Alex, the things I'm gonna do to you when I get home,"_ Maggie promised, her voice lowering a few notches as she pictured Alex naked with her hand between her legs.

"W-what kind of things are you gonna do to me?" Alex asked cautiously, feeling much braver as her fingers found her clit, soaking wet, and she began to rub it in the way she used to like, automatically jumping right in.

_"I don't know, Danvers, I've got a few ideas in mind right now and most of them involve pinning you down on our bed, flipping you over and fucking you until you can't remember anything but my name."_

The words did the trick, and Alex moaned audibly, bucking her hips up. She was so fucking horny, but her fingers didn't feel right on her clit anymore, she couldn't seem to find a rhythm. Her old technique was doing nothing for her right now, so she tried to switch it up, trying to imitate the way Maggie touched her, because oh _God_ she wanted Maggie to touch her, she _needed_ Maggie to touch her.

_"Or maybe we won't even make it to the bed, maybe I'll just push you up against the door and fuck you right there. Would you like that, babe? You want me to pick you up and pound my fingers into you til you come nice and hard for me?"_

"Fuck, Maggie," Alex whined, but it was laced with more frustration than arousal now. Nothing was working for her, her hand felt weird and she couldn't build a good rhythm.

" _Wish I was fucking you, Danvers,_ " Maggie's voice chuckled over the other end of the line. " _Everything okay?"_

"Yes," Alex grumbled, shifting her underwear back into place as she wiped her wet fingers on the mattress, trying to ignore the ache between her legs. "But you better stop talking like that or you're going to kill me."

" _Thought you wanted me to get you off?"_ Maggie shot back, her voice clearly teasing.

"I do, more than you know," Alex sighed, flopping back against the mattress that felt far too empty. "It doesn't... it doesn't _work_ to touch myself anymore. I need your hand," she groaned, rubbing her forehead miserably.

" _Just my hand? What about my mouth? I seem to recall a few times last week you liked my tongue quite a bit,"_ Maggie couldn't help but remind her, and Alex whined out loudly, clenching her thighs together.

"You're the worst, Sawyer."

" _You love me, Danvers."_

"I do." Alex smiled softly as she thought about just how much she loved the detective. "You wanna know something funny?"

_"Of course, babe."_

"You know how I was a little bit of a control freak when we met?"

_"You still are, Alex,"_ Maggie scoffed. " _Just not around me, but don't think I don't notice how you act at the DEO."_

"Well, for your information, you changed that about me," Alex informed her proudly. "You were the first person who I didn't mind kind of taking charge, or surprising me."

" _The first?"_ Maggie sounded hopeful, and Alex swore she could almost _hear_ her smile.

"Yeah, the first," Alex repeated, grinning as she thought back to their first time. "Remember our first time? When I told you that nobody had ever made me come like that before?"

_"Pretty hard to forget that, in my defense,"_ Maggie joked, and Alex rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's ever-so-confident attitude.

"Well, I was just... used to doing that myself, if I wanted it done right," Alex explained, her cheeks flaming red. "Sex, I mean. Touching myself. Since nobody had ever... made me come, I just did it myself. I thought I was just the only one who knew, you know, how to touch _me_ like that."

" _Oh, yeah?"_ Maggie sounded interested, and proud, and Alex knew damn well why.

"Yeah. I was worried that since you were so perfect, you had to have at least _one_ flaw, you know? I figured maybe you wouldn't be able to touch me the way I touched myself either."

_"Did I meet expectations?"_ Maggie teased, and Alex felt her heart clench at the beautiful sound of her girlfriend's laughter. Oh, how she missed her, and it had only been two damn days.

"You exceeded them, Sawyer," Alex informed her. "I can't even get myself off now, because I've been way too spoiled by your magic hands. I guess you do know me pretty well," she sighed dramatically.

_"I should hope I know how to fuck my girlfriend properly,"_ Maggie replied huskily, and Alex could tell she was getting turned on by their conversation, probably more than was appropriate if she knew how those words had gone straight to Maggie's head. _"I mean, as hot as the image of you touching yourself is, I don't think there's anything sexier than looking at you when you're completely wrecked underneath me and I'm watching you take my fingers like a good girl."_

"Fuck, Maggie, you can't _say_ stuff like that right now!" Alex protested, rolling over on the bed in frustration at the mental image Maggie's words had provided.

" _Mmm, don't worry babe, I'll be home before you know it."_

"You better be," Alex pouted. "Now tell me about your day, so I can think about something else besides you fucking me, since I can't fuck myself the way you do," she deadpanned.

" _No comment, Danvers,"_ Maggie laughed, before launching into a story about the asshole of a partner she'd been paired with during the conference, and Alex listened with a smile on her face, because this was Maggie's voice- Maggie, who she loved, Maggie, who loved _her,_ Maggie, who knew her better than anyone else.

_Maggie is different,_ Alex confirmed to herself as she lay back on the bed, shutting her eyes and relaxing as she listened to the sound of her girlfriend's voice.

She smiled as she thought back to their first time; all her own worries, and how wrong she'd been. The only thing she'd needed to worry about was the frustration that would come from not being able to get off _without_ Maggie, not her worry of not being able to come _with_ Maggie.

But she wouldn't change it for the world. In fact, she wouldn't change anything about Maggie for the world.

_Except one thing,_ she thought absentmindedly, her fingers reaching into her bedside drawer for that small, velvet box she'd bought the day Maggie had left for the conference.

_I wouldn't mind changing her last name._


End file.
